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A Twist in the Tale: My Cat is on Facebook

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By Jenny Kalahar

My Cat is on Facebook

Not content to merely snooze in the flower bed
Not happy to sing unheard by the moonlight
Not fulfilled by munching alone on her kibble bites
My cat wanted to be seen

My cat named Sue felt a tug for fame
My cat named Sue got her own laptop
My cat named Sue learned to type and post
And now my cat is on Facebook

She’s taking photos with my camera phone
And tweeting about her catnip mouse
She has somewhere close to ten thousand followers
Who all like her wry sense of humor

My cat named Sue felt a tug for fame
My cat named Sue got her own laptop
My cat named Sue learned to type and post
And now my darned cat is on Facebook

I woke up last week and saw her on my chest
Taking a photo of me sleeping
It’s now gotten over six hundred thousand likes
And about two thousand shares

My cat named Sue felt a tug for fame
My cat named Sue got her own laptop
My cat named Sue learned to type and post
And now my dang cat is on Facebook

She got a book deal and is putting out an album
Of moonlight yowls produced by Pharrell
She’s leaving to go on tour at the end of next month
And expects me to go along with her

My cat named Sue felt a tug for fame
My cat named Sue got her own laptop
My cat named Sue learned to type and post
And now my ego-inflated cat is on Facebook

A movie’s in the works starring Sue herself
She’s got a big-time agent and a luxurious new house
I wasn’t even invited to her last soirée
And she won’t pick up my calls

My cat named Sue felt a tug for fame
My cat named Sue got her own laptop
My cat named Sue learned to type and post
But my cat now no longer bothers with Facebook

So the movie came out and it totally bombed
Her album didn’t sell, and her book is now remaindered
The bank took back her house and her car
And she calls me night and day

I flew to LA to pick her up
Now we’re back home where we belong
She snoozes in the garden and she sings to the moon
And we’re happier with the internet cut off


Jenny Kalahar, her husband Patrick, and their pets live in Indiana where she sells used and rare books and writes novels and poetry. She is the author of a fantasy novel about teens stuck with the worst-ever magical power, This Peculiar Magic. Her two novels about fostering cats are Shelve Under C: A Tale of Used Books and Cats, and The Find of a Lifetime. Her collection of nostalgic and humorous poetry is One Mile North of Normal and Other Poems. For more, visit her blog.

More from Jenny:

Visit from a Vintage Dog

Welcome to Bison World

Poem for an Old Gray Cat

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