By Jenny Kalahar
So many people have told me fantastic and funny animal stories through the years, of heroic dogs, loyal cats, misbehaving raccoons, artistic elephants, etc. that I thought I’d hear nothing more that could surprise me. But last week I met a distant relative who told me a very peculiar story that he swears is absolutely true.
Your great- great- great- great-grandpa
I think his name was Jake
Kept a most unusual farm
Down by a muddy lake.
On his farm he had some pigs
And his wife raised sheep and things
It was she who woke him up one day
To say his pigs had wings.
He ignored her right through breakfast
Thinking she must have had a dream
But when he stepped outside their door
He literally screamed!
For there they were, those flying hogs
Those wingy pigs for real
They swooped and dove and circled him
Laughing in jolly squeals.
Their curly pinky piggy tails
Were used to change direction;
Their flippy floppy piggy ears
Served as rudder projections.
You never saw a giddier bunch
Of pigs in all your life
The farmer ran back to his house
And grabbed his startled wife.
She toppled over when she saw them all
Just fainted at the sight!
So one of the biggest flying pigs
Landed near to make things right.
He nudged her with his snouty nose
And grunted out her name.
When that dear, sweet lady never woke
He knew he was to blame.
Nodding to the farmer once
The big pig bit down hard
Upon the woman’s apron strings
And flew her from the yard.
He flew with her to see the doc
Who fainted, too, you know
But when they both awoke again
They laughed at that pig’s show.
What a thrill to see in action
A porcine giant swooping high
He flew the farmer’s wife on home
A miracle of flight!
They were famous pigs for many years
And rumors still persist
That the offspring of your great-great’s pigs
Still circle through the mist
But you’ll mostly only hear of them
In jokes or aphorisms
But we know the truth about those pigs
For here it has been written.
Jenny Kalahar, her husband Patrick, and their pets live in Indiana where she sells used and rare books and writes novels and poetry. She is the author of a fantasy novel about teens stuck with the worst-ever magical power,This Peculiar Magic. Her two novels about fostering cats are Shelve Under C: A Tale of Used Books and Cats, andThe Find of a Lifetime. Her collection of nostalgic and humorous poetry is One Mile North of Normal and Other Poems. For more, visit her blog.
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