By Jenny Kalahar
Ever wonder what it would be like if cats had their own DIY shows? Here’s a look at what one crafting series might sound like on Kitty Cable.
Kreative Krafts for Kitties
“Welcome to today’s show, ladies. My, what a large group we have on stage today as demonstrators! I’m your host, Penelope Puss. Has everyone found a place at a worktable? Fine. As usual, some of you in the studio audience have brought in photos of completed projects that you’ve seen us create on past shows. Very good job, kitties! Good kitties! Now, snuggle down on your cushions, enjoy your complimentary mugs of milk, and let’s get started, shall we?
“First, allow me to introduce Myrtle Mackintosh, a cat who grows her own premium organic nip under special lights in her humans’ basement. She claims to have a secret fertilizer blend that makes her nip very rich, flavorful, and extra stimulating. She’s an expert catnip toy crafter. She’s come on our show today to show you kits at home how to make your own nip-filled mouse for hours and hours of fun. Shall we get started?
“We’ve set out on our crafting tables all of the supplies you’ll need: acrylic felt in any color that you’d like, a mouse pattern, pet-safe fabric marker pens, pet-safe fabric glue, a few spoonfuls of the Mackintosh nip, and righty-lefty two-paw scissors.
“Okay. Ready? Let’s watch Myrtle and follow her step-by-step directions.”
MM: “Thank you, Penelope. Firstly, cut out your paper mouse pattern. That’s right. Just snip it out. Very good. Now, take a tiny bit of the glue and adhere your pattern to a square of felt in the color of your choice. Everyone all set with that? Great! Double under the felt so that you’re cutting out two layers at once. One will be your mouse back, the other the front.”
PP: “Ha! I think some of our crafters have gotten a bit distracted by your wonderful nip, Myrtle. Eyes on your projects, please, ladies!”
MM: “Now, gently remove the pattern from the felt. There! Perfect mouse-shaped pieces, all ready for the next step, which is to glue the two pieces together at the very edges while leaving an opening at one end so that we can fill it with nip.”
PP: “Ladies? Ladies! Are you watching what Myrtle is demonstrating? Please play attention! I mean pay attention.”
MM: “Take care to glue only at the edges so that there is more room for the nip filling.”
PP: “The goo . . . um, glue goes on the felt, not your neighbors’ fur, dears. Oh, my. Can someone get a wet washcloff for the all-black cat at the front table?”
MM: “Now, spoon your nip carefully into the pouch made from the two glued pieces of felt.”
PP: *snerk* “Into the flet! Into the flet, not on the floor where you can roll around on it! Ladies! This is not a nip party. Spoo your felt into the nip … or, rather, your felt into the spoon. Wait, that’s still not right. Are you all watching Myrgle?”
MM: “When you have your mouse filled, simply apply a little glue at the open end between the felt pieces and press together. There! Now, take your markers and draw on eyes, nose, mouth and anything else you’d like. See? Isn’t he realistic? If you’d like, draw on whiskers, or a tail wrapped around his feet.”
PP: *chortle* “Thanks, Myrgle! We’ll take a mershul break to clean up and wrestle around on the floor and stuff, an when we return, Tom Striper will show us how to make our own feather toy thingy majingy. Whatever.”
MM: “Thank you for having me on, Penelope. And don’t worry about the glue on your head or the marker ink all over your tail. I’m sure those will clean right off.”
Jenny Kalahar, her husband Patrick, and their pets live in Indiana where she sells used and rare books and writes novels and poetry. Her two novels about fostering cats are Shelve Under C: A Tale of Used Books and Cats, and The Find of a Lifetime: Another Tale of Used Books and Cats. Her collection of nostalgic and humorous poetry is One Mile North of Normal and Other Poems. For more, visit her blog, Bookselling and Writing with Weegee.
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