Fun Stuff

What We’re Reading: Things Your Dog Doesn’t Want You to Know

As pet parents, we spend a lot of time wondering what is going on in our companion’s furry little head. If you’ve ever wished your dog could answer you when you ask her “what exactly did you do all day?” or “why must you roll around on top of that ant hill?” then Things Your Dog Doesn’t Want You to Know, by Hy Conrad and Jeff Johnson, is a perfect read for you. Through a compilation of letters “written” by 11 candid canines, Conrad and Johnson explain the who, what, where, why, and how of all your dog’s weirdest quirks.

Don’t be turned off by the authors’ humorous approach—you’ll laugh out loud as you read the inner thoughts of the book’s main characters, but you’ll also learn a ton. Here are some of our favorite insights:

Orson the Bulldog, on treats: “When you give me a treat and another dog comes over and you give him one…if more than three seconds have gone by, then I don’t remember. You owe me a second treat.”

Charlie the Miniature Schnauzer, on why dogs wag their tails: “[W]e all used to bark instead of wagging, but it got too noisy. Dogs are naturally happy, and with all that happy barking, no one was getting any sleep. And barking probably didn’t help when we were out hunting, trying to sneak up on things. ‘Look, guys, a squirrel. Hooray! Never mind, he’s gone.’ We had to come up with something else, and quick. And we only had so many body parts to work with. Then some genius invented wagging the tail and it stuck.”

Gabby the Long-Haired Dachshund, on toys: “Things with squeaks are always good, and eyes and tails and stuffing. Balls are fine, if I’m in the mood. Things with rope, not so much. They’re too much exercise. If I just want to pull on something, I’ll grab your shoelaces or the scarf around your neck.”

Things Your Dog Doesn’t Want You to Know is a funny, charming, and informative read for any dog parent. You’ll fall in love with the 11 dogs spilling all their secrets, and you’ll come away from it with a better understanding and appreciation of your own silly pup. In the words of Sophie the Cocker Spaniel: “Every single one of us is unique, no matter how ordinary.”


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