My two dogs, Kolbe and Jazz, never wrote their own books, but they did inspire them. Kolbe was the inspiration for the prissy, pampered princess-with-attitude, Talisman, in my RED HOT series of comic chick lit novels. Jazz became the intrepid demon-fighting Hallelujah in my young adult vampire novel GLORY. If they had been capable of writing their own books, I like to believe these are the ones they would have written.
So, I began to wonder what books other people’s pets would write. I posted the query on my Facebook page, and these are some of the replies:
WHEN THE BUNNY ISN’T REAL: A STUDY IN GREYHOUND DEPRESSION
HOW TO PEE ON THE CARPET WITHOUT ANYONE KNOWING
THE HUMAN WHISPERER: HOW TO TRAIN YOUR HUMAN IN 10 DAYS
WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?
EAT, LOVE, PLAY, SLEEP
“Emmy would write an autobiography, since her life as a star is so important and needs to be told and studied by all. Joanie, her daughter, would write a tail-all book about living in the shadow of MOMMIE DEAREST.”
I KNOW WHAT “NO” MEANS, I JUST CHOOSE TO IGNORE YOU
CHEW YOUR WAY TO SUCCESS
“My cat Rebel’s book would be HOW TO ESCAPE FROM HUMAN TYRANNY, and my dog Bella would write a cookbook.”
RAIDING GARBAGE FOR DUMMIES
“HRH Special Princess Kitty Jade (or just Jade to her closest admirers) would write HOW TO GET PEOPLE OFF THEIR LAZY BUTTS TO THE CAT FOOD BIN. She is absolutely the most creative cat when that food dish is empty!”
HOW TO MAKE THE MOST OF A NAP
HOW TO KEEP YOUR PACK (2 & 4 LEGGED) SAFE AND IN CONTROL AT ALL TIMES
101 WAYS TO GET INTO TROUBLE AND NOT GET INTO TROUBLE
FORAGING FOR THE MODERN DOG: PROBLEM SOLVING TECHNIQUES FOR INDOOR AND OUTDOOR USE.
(We have some mighty intelligent animals in this group!)
HOW TO LIVE AND COPE WITH AN UNPREDICTABLE FEMALE HUMAN
EVERYDAY CONTORTIONIST MOVES: A FLIP BOOK
RUN LIKE YOU ARE DEAF
“My Border Collies would write “HOW TO GET MORE FROM YOUR HUMANS”
Chapter 1: How to Get Your Human off the Couch
My Australian Shepherds would write, “HOW TO ANNOY A BORDER COLLIE”
Chapter 1: Perfecting the Butt Slam”
GARFIELD AIN’T GOT NOTHING ON ME: THE LIFE AND TIMES OF THE MOST IMPORTANT BEING ON THE PLANET
“Trooper’s handyman guide would be 101 THINGS TO PLAY WITH: CREATING TOYS OUT OF EVERYDAY ITEMS”
I MAY BE SMALL, BUT I AM MIGHTY
EVERYTHING IS MINE: THE FINE ART OF STEALING AND SHREDDING THE EVIDENCE
IF ONLY I HAD THUMBS
“My cat Harley would write I AM LION! HEAR ME ROAR!”
CAT CHASING FOR DUMMIES
THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND…WHY DOES MY DAD KEEP HIDING MY TREATS?
“Bella would write BEAUTY IS THE BEAST.”
CONFESSIONS OF A 40 MILE PER HOUR COUCH POTATO
HOW TO WRAP YOUR HUMAN AROUND YOUR LITTLE PAW
As brilliantly creative as these animals are, I’m glad that they can’t write books. I couldn’t stand the competition!
Copyright © 2011 by Devin O’Branagan
Thanks to all my fabulous Facebook friends who provide me so much inspiration.
Photo of Kolbe & Jazz courtesy of me!
Devin O’Branagan is the author of the RED HOT novels, a hilarious chick-lit series, and the legend of GLORY, a young adult vampire series. Devin is crazy passionate about animals and her books abound with marvelous four-legged characters. Devin is a member of the Dog Writers Association of America, and lives in Colorado.